I felt the need to make a blog post about this. What's the point of sharing my journey if I have things to hide? Likely, this post won't bode well with some, but...it's how I feel, it's MY truth.
When my Mother passed away, she had so many friends. People that I considered part of the family. My Mom (as I have said before) was easy to love and she had many people that cared about her, or so I thought. I guess I assumed, when people made my Mom promises, that they wouldn't so easily break them after she passed away. Even on her death bed, I heard promises from people that were discarded not even a week after her passing. I cannot tell if I am just being emotional or not. I do know that I have lost sleep over it though. I do know that some of my mom's "closest" friends, the friends that I thought would be there for me, literally ran in the other direction.
It seems a lot of people run. When you lose a loved one, there really isn't much anyone can say. It's awkward. I'd be lying if I said telling someone you're sorry for this loss was easy, it's not...at all. I guess I just expected more. I expected and assumed that people could push through the awkwardness and just be there. Even a random phone call means the world. Most of these people knew it was really just my Mom and I. They knew that my world had crashed, why didn't they care? Or did they care? Could they not handle it? Maybe they thought I couldn't handle it? Maybe they thought it was up to me to reach out?
I am not sure I'll ever know the reasons why this happens. I am not sure it's anyones "fault" either. I guess it's just life. I try to put myself in their shoes...maybe they hadn't thought of how I felt? Maybe they did. At this point in my life, I learned the value of strength and independence. I have to rely on myself to get through this, no one else. Though, there have been SO many people that HAVE stayed there for me. I can say that I am blessed with some very amazing people that stuck it through, and to those people, I owe the world. They may not know just how much they have helped me. When I felt like I was in a world alone, just my son and I (while Josh was countries away), there they were. It's odd how you can feel so hurt and yet so grateful.
If I could offer any advice, if someone you know passes away, it's okay to call and talk to them. You don't even need to bring the death up, we get it...it's hard, and sometimes we don't even want to talk about it either...but, just call. If it was you, your family, your parent, your loved one...how would you feel if you thought the world ran away from you?
I genuinely hope I am just emotional about it. I hope that I am the only one that feels people betrayed my mother when they lied to her. I hope others are surrounded by only love, support, and happiness when they lose someone so important to them.
So. There is it...my very emotional, real feelings.
Thank you to those who stayed. Thank you to those who called. Thank you to those that I have been able to turn to. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for not letting me feel alone.