We had a bright and early morning! Woke up at 4:45 am and headed to the hospital so I could have my first post-op visit with the plastic surgeon. A very successful visit, if I may say. We did address some of the pain (which, pain is obvious with this procedure) issues I am having and tried to switch the meds around a little bit. She put me on something a little stronger, but honesty, I don't feel it helping AT ALL. The last pain medicine set me around a 6 out of 10...this is about an 8 out of 10. Though, I did have two drains removed which has helped tremendously. We think one of the drains was sitting on a nerve..and my goodness was it very uncomfortable.
I was super worried about the drains getting pulled. Every time my husband strips the drain (done to help with the suction, and prevent clogging), my muscles spasm...so I was terrified my muscles were going to completely go crazy when the drains were pulled, but to my surprise, it was painless and fast. I have to say, I was so relieved to even have two of them removed (my other two are still putting out quite a bit). We had a laugh on mothers day, trying to find an outfit to wear to dinner. I stood in my closet and looked around for quite some time trying to find something that was "cute" and would hide my lovely lady lumps (in this case...four drains that look like clear grenades). They suggest you wear button up tops, since you can't quite lift your arms to get something over your head. Well, I am a bit of an "overachiever", which is not making my husband happy...as I am really pushing some limits. I picked out a dress, and thought it would definitely cover these bulky drains, so I convinced him to help me get it on. Immediately, first glance in the mirror, and I couldn't stop laughing at myself and the awkwardness of the dress. What I thought would conceal the drains, only make me look about eight moths pregnant with a very awkward shelf-like baby bump. After another ten minutes, I gave in and just put on a button up shirt anyway. Moral of this story...two drains down and now I don't look quite as silly with a shirt on. Yes, I am being a bit vain.
In the past couple days, we have also ran into the trouble of a curious three year old. I genuinely wanted to hide my incisions from him, but he's too smart. He saw the drains and immediately felt it was necessary to find where they came from. So, against my original judgement, I allowed him to look. I was nervous that it would make him sad, and in a way, I think it might have..for a minute. However, the second you tell a three year old that the "owies" are okay and mommy is okay it does help a little. What really did the trick was telling him that I had "magic" put inside me, and "super hero powers". I am not lying to him when I tell him this. I do feel like my incisions gave me super powers, and made me magical. Even if I still cannot prevent breast cancer all together, my scars are still magical and full of power. Now Brody likes to check on me, and asks to see "boo boo"'s. I always oblige and let him take a peek. He finds it very amazing...except, now, I have to teach him that not everyone has "magic boob boo boos", because he tried pulling down his Grammie's shirt this morning. Oops.
I sill have to say, my biggest struggle thus far, is not being able to pick up my babies when they are crying...or reach for me. It sounds awful of me, but I prefer to be upstairs and away from the chaos downstairs. I prefer to stay away from them for long periods of time, because it hurts so bad not to be able to hold them or do things for them. Fortunately, I have been able to set them in my lap (with help) and give them snuggles...which really means so much. I can instantly feel that special feeling you get when you hold your children.
So, so far, so good! I'll hopefully be getting the remaining drains out next Wednesday! Then a week to let things settle...then the fun begins! I cannot wait for the fill process. It's exciting, watching my body heal and go through these stages.
Katie,
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman. You having this surgery is the definition of how far a selfless act can go. You have given your babies the chance to spend as much time with you as they can. Although it may take time for you to be able to show and give them love with physical gestures like hugs and cradling, that period of time is a small price to pay in return for years of hugs and memories. You are such a strong and beautiful person. You glow and shine with such passion and love in your heart and soul. Some women would be heartbroken to lose such a part of what they think makes them a woman or feminine. Honestly, you look so much happier now than in your pre-op pictures. You were given a bigger chance to influence and preach your story not only to give other women the courage but to teach them about what you have gone through. When I look at your pictures I see a different happiness now. I see a sense of beauty that is so rare nowadays. You are a role model to so many women and I admire you in a way that I cannot even describe. The fact that you are sharing this with your little man and not shielding him from anything shows that you have your family's best interests at heart. You are giving him the right and power to better understand how great his mommy truly is. Don't ever change who you are, if anything there should be more women like you in this world. You can never have too much hope. Stay strong, like I know you will, and just know that I may not know you personally but if I did I would consider myself a lucky girl.
<3 Jessica