Post-Op Blues

  I didn't really think "relaxing" would be hard to do. Before the surgery, I was almost excited that I would be taking a few weeks to just "relax" and heal. Now that I am on the other side, I am finding it very hard to just sit up in my room and "heal". Between guests and learning my own limitations, I have pushed it. I continue to push it. I cannot stand sitting up in a recliner while I hear my babies downstairs. I always find an excuse to be with everyone and stay where the action is (by action, I mean my babies). When I am around my children, I feel like I can do everything, even if I am in pain. I try to be calm about it...do puzzles, or pretend to hold Em's baby doll, but I ultimately end up with a child in my lap. A child in my lap usually means a knee, elbow, or foot to my breast.

  Tonight, I am deciding to take everyones advice...because I did a major "no-no". Without even thinking, I picked up my almost 50 pound son. I immediately realized it while he was in mid-air and all I could think was "dang it, how could I be so mindless?"....if I continue doing what I have been doing, I could really mess things up. So, tomorrow, I'll be glued to my chair.

  On a positive note, I have moved up from the horrid "surgical bra" and got some "fancy" Walmart front clasping sports bras. I actually feel much better...it's funny how a bra can change your outlook. Though, I did stare at myself in the mirror a little longer tonight. I have to say, I am glad that the bra is loaded with gauze to protect my incisions. Even with the gauze, I would put myself at an "A" cup. It's very strange, going from being big breasted to completely flat...but, its actually kind of fun. I really am excited to see how I progress physically in this journey. However, I do need to heed the warnings. I have got to just STOP. It feels so unnatural for me to be around my babies without jumping in the mix. It's unnatural for me to just sit down and watch everyone do everything around me and I can't even help. I think I may only be getting annoying because I point out every single little detail that "I" would be doing. This is a major problem, because I am probably making it sound like my helpers (husband and in-laws) aren't doing things right. They are. They are doing everything right. I have just come to realize that I am simply jealous and slightly unable to relax and let others do things for me.

  Like I said, tomorrow, I will make myself super comfortable in my chair. I know if I stay downstairs, I'm only making things harder on myself and everyone else...though I will look forward to the little recliner cuddles I get throughout the day!