The words that seem so offensive to others...prophylactic mastectomy. On the few occasions that I have brought this up to others, it's almost like I am saying I plan on tattooing my forehead. It amazes me how unsupportive people can be. I have made my choice. This isn't a choice that I have made overnight. I have thought about having a prophylactic double mastectomy done for years. After meeting with the geneticist and running it past him, he was also in agreement that this was a good decision. I cannot let what others think about this effect my choice. It is my body...my life. I choose to be proactive. Though choosing to remove something that is so much a part of me is a hard decision, I have decided that it's what is best for me, and for my children.
I will do everything in my power, as a mother, to stay alive and healthy for my children. I never want them to feel what I have felt while watching my own mother slowly pass away from this horrible disease. Though nothing says I will ever have breast cancer for certain, I am unwilling to wait and see what happens. I am unwilling to let something control me. Ninety percent of women that have a prophylactic double mastectomy will not get breast cancer. My boobs are not as important as I am. My boobs are not as important as my children are. They have served their purpose and have successfully nursed my two beautiful babies. I do not need them...to me, they are a ticking time bomb. I choose my family, I choose me. I appreciate input that has been given to me, but I have made my decision.
If it were you, and each family member was diagnosed before the previous, how long would you wait? Would you wait? It's easy to give others advice, but it will never be easy to be in their shoes. Until you walk a day in my shoes...until you look into my mind, until you feel the pain I have in my heart over losing my mother, you may not understand my decision. I don't ask for people to always agree with me, but I do ask, if you love me, support me.
The people that are important already have my back. My own husband, the man that has to look at me, the man who I always want to look good for...he is my number one supporter. I am so fortunate to have such an amazing man in my life. He really gets it. He needs me more than we both need my boobs. Realistically, he married me knowing my family history..he knew that there was a chance that I could end up with breast cancer, yet he stayed. He has always stayed. I thank God everyday that he is strong enough...even when I feel like I am not strong enough, he carries me. My own husband loves me enough to see past scars and know that there is a possibility that my chest may never look the same again. I choose to be proactive for him, just as much as for anyone else. I know he would be here for me if I ever ended up with breast cancer, but it's not something I ever want him to see me go through. I have a choice...I choose my family..I choose me. I could say it over and over again. I choose my health over my boobs.